Somewhere along the line, a few people confused getting high with a membership requirement. A friend declines, and suddenly there is a hearing. Have they tried the right strain? Was it a bad experience? What about a smaller amount? The poor bastard came over for dinner and now has to defend the contents of their own bloodstream.
Let them have the chair.
A room full of adults ought to be able to accommodate one person who wants sparkling water and another who wants to talk about the bass player. The evening can survive this enormous philosophical divide. With luck, it may even become an evening worth repeating.
This matters because a gathering can announce one purpose and quietly develop another. You invite people to listen to music, then spend forty minutes examining a jar. You make dinner, then let the conversation become a technical symposium that half the table cannot enter. Nobody intended to be a bore. Intentions, unfortunately, are poor entertainment.
The useful question is what your guest actually came for. Your company is a reasonable possibility. Try working with that.
Make the invitation tell the truth
If cannabis will be part of the evening, a brief heads-up lets people decide whether the setting works for them. No dramatic disclosure ceremony. Something as ordinary as: “Dinner here Saturday? A few friends, records afterward. Some people may smoke outside; inside will stay smoke-free.” Only promise an arrangement you will actually keep.
That gives someone a chance to say, privately, that smoke bothers them, that they would rather meet for coffee, or that Saturday is a terrible idea because their week has already been long enough. They do not owe you a medical explanation or a history of their relationship with substances.
Likewise, do not assure a guest that absolutely nothing will happen and then greet them through a small weather system. Surprise is excellent when it involves dessert. It is less charming when it changes the terms of being in somebody's house.
If a smoke-free evening is the way this particular group can comfortably get together, have one. The records still work. It is one of their better features.
Accept the first answer
Offer once, where appropriate. A no ends the offer.
“You sure?” often arrives wearing the costume of friendliness. Follow it with a sales presentation about how different this particular product is and the costume falls off. You are negotiating with someone who has already answered a question about their own body.
The gracious response is short: “Sure. Want anything to drink?” Then move on as though the person has made a completely ordinary choice, because they have.
The same courtesy applies to somebody who used to join in and no longer does. They may tell you why. They may not. Friendship should leave room for people to change without making them submit a report.
And the reverse holds, too: the guest who abstains need not sit through teasing, and the guest who uses cannabis need not become the subject of a moral lecture. You can disagree about a habit and still agree that the song should be turned up a little.
Give everyone the same evening
Serve food that everyone can eat. Keep the ordinary snacks ordinary. If cannabis products are present, keep them in their original labeled packaging, apart from the shared food. Store them in a locked, child-resistant container, out of children's and pets' sight and reach. CDC: Cannabis and Poisoning A guest should never have to conduct an investigation before taking a cookie. Never put cannabis into someone else's food or drink without their informed agreement.
Put some thought into the drinks that contain neither alcohol nor cannabis: cold water, decent coffee when people want it, something fizzy with a citrus wedge. Use the good glasses for whoever would enjoy one. Nobody should be handed the sad cup that says they have failed to participate correctly.
Then give the gathering something to gather around. Let each person choose a song. Ask what they have been reading. Put the old photographs on the table if you actually want their stories told. Make a meal with enough room in the timing that the cook can sit down.
There is a difference between a shared interest and the only permitted subject. If two people want to compare hardware, fine. If the other four have gone silent, bring the conversation back to a place with more doors.
Smoke does not respect the seating plan
Someone declining a puff has not necessarily declined exposure. The CDC notes that secondhand cannabis smoke contains THC and many of the same toxic chemicals found in tobacco smoke; people exposed can experience psychoactive effects. Research on its full health consequences is still developing. Calling a room “chill” does not change what is in its air. CDC: Cannabis and Secondhand Smoke
Keep shared indoor space smoke-free. If there is an appropriate outdoor place where smoking is permitted, keep it away from other guests and entrances; do not make the person avoiding smoke sit alone in the kitchen while the party moves outside. Consider the neighbors as well. Their open window is not an invitation.
If the space cannot accommodate everyone comfortably, change the plan. Nobody should have to endure your evening in order to spend it with you.
Do not appoint a chauffeur by elimination
The friend who does not smoke or drink has not automatically joined the transport department. Ask before you build a plan around their car, their time, and their willingness to ferry a small committee home.
Arrange sober transport before anyone becomes impaired. NHTSA advises planning ahead for a sober driver and warns that impaired people cannot reliably judge their own impairment. Feeling ready to drive does not establish that someone is safe to drive. NHTSA: Drug-Impaired Driving
Discuss the ride, the expense, or the overnight arrangements early. There is much less dignity in arguing beside a coat rack at midnight.
The part people come back for
Think of the homes where you can arrive a little tired and remain yourself. Nobody takes attendance on your mood. Nobody makes you explain why you want tea. There is something cooking, or there isn't; someone has put on music, and the conversation is allowed to find its own way through the room.
That ease requires a little attention from the host. It means hearing a quiet answer, making space at the table, noticing when the evening has become a private joke. It also means trusting that you do not have to manufacture the same experience inside every guest.
The next morning, your friend may remember the record, the meal, the thing somebody said that broke the whole table up. Give them that kind of night.
Let the jar be a jar. Let the friend be the reason they were invited.